Bizarre Patents That Would Make Your Grandpa Angry

“Necessity is the mother of invention.” – Plato

Many times, Plato’s words hold true, but some inventions make you question if necessity had anything to do with it. The patents below prove exactly that. These will definitely make you shake your head in disbelief.

15 White Background Product Studio (Amazon)

Amazon basically tried to patent the white background, which you will see in every last product image on the internet. And an even weirder part is that professional photographers have been doing this for decades, probably before Amazon existed.

14 Simple recycled paper bag (Apple)

Here’s one that made me shake my head. Apple, a company once known for its innovation, has now patented a paper bag. The irony is that it is a recycled bag, which could benefit the environment if shared, but is instead locked behind a patent.

13 An umbrella for beer bottle

You’d think shading a beer bottle is trivial, just use your hand or set it in the shade. But for someone, it was such an important experience that they went through all the hassle of designing and patenting an umbrella for it.

12 Kissing Shield

For a second, I thought this was a joke… but nope. This is simply a new method to get slapped for kissing someone. What it does is create a thin frame over your lips, cheeks, and chin so you can be intimate while stopping any saliva transfer. It’s basically a tool for insulting someone because it’s almost certain nobody would kiss you wearing it.

11 Throat Mic Tattoo (Motorola)

According to the filing, it is a thin, flexible electronic patch that sticks to your throat and picks up vibrations directly from your vocal cords instead of from the air. At first glance, this isn’t that bizarre, it’s rather nice. The bizarre part here is that it doubles as a lie detector. It can detect skin response and find the change in skin resistance, and based on the resistance you can tell if someone is nervous or lying. Great for a lie detector test, but as creepy as it gets for everything else.

10 Alarm that Smacks You Awake

This one isn’t from a corporate giant. It actually dates back to the 19th century. The idea is that instead of ringing an alarm bell, it uses little blocks hanging from cords above your head. When it’s time to wake up, a block drops and smacks you in the face. Definitely closer to a torture device than an actual alarm.

9 Wearable Greenhouse Helmet

This is as dystopian as it gets. You’re basically walking around with a helmet full of plants, all in the name of going green. Maybe just move somewhere with better air instead?

8 Mouthpiece with Beeper

According to the filing, this is a mouthpiece that fits behind the front teeth and includes a beeper. When the headgear is not worn, it keeps beeping inside the mouth. It’s meant for teens who try to skip wearing their headgear. Definitely not the most comfortable, but it might just be the most effective.

7 Weather‑proof Halloween Suit

At first glance, this is just a weather proof suit, which seems like a decent idea, slightly weird but helpful at times. But the strange part is that this suit has a full insulation and ventilation system built into it. Maybe a bit too much for just a single day.

6 Flush toilet for dogs

Some people clearly expect too much from dogs. The idea is that your dog uses the little toilet and you handle the flush. Nice idea if you love extra chores. I’m definitely not one of those.

5 Automatic Saluting Device

According to the filing, this hat would have a hidden mechanical system inside it that automatically tips your hat when you bow your head. It is basically a self tipping hat so you can “salute” or greet someone without using your hands. But if the whole point of saluting someone is to show respect, wouldn’t avoiding the effort make it disrespectful? What makes it even worse is that the filing says the hat would display an ad when you saluted, so people would see it every time you salute.

4 Toilet Snorkel

Even though the image makes it look way more bizarre than some of the others in the list, the use case for this one is actually decent. It is supposed to be used when you’re trapped in a smoke-filled room to get some “fresh air” to breathe. It’s definitely not going to be fresh air, but at least it might save you.

3 Pillow with breasts

Yes, it’s a pillow shaped like breasts, and one of the breasts even has a pocket for a nursing bottle. The claimed purpose is to provide comfort to the child by reducing the feeling of missing a mother. Odd? Sure. But kind of sweet in its intent too.

2 Pet Snake Leash

A leash for a snake. Yes, really. For anyone who thought walking dogs was challenging, this takes it to a whole new level. Good luck trying to talk to anyone during that walk.

1 Anti-eating mask

The image is enough to tell you what it does. The bizarre part is that you’d think this would be used as some kind of punishment, but no, it is supposed to be worn by chefs to help them resist eating too much. Honestly, I’d quit before putting it on.

Here are the links to the patents filings: